tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79935407385150223872024-03-13T06:18:45.885-07:00Link, Post and NewsThis blog has been specially created to list all the cool & interesting sites !!!Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-51112004142898286522007-03-21T10:13:00.000-07:002007-03-21T10:14:10.785-07:0021 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity <div class=Section1> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span lang=EN-GB style='font-size:12.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <blockquote style='border:none;border-left:solid black 1.5pt;padding:0cm 0cm 0cm 4.0pt; margin-left:3.75pt;margin-top:5.0pt;margin-right:0cm;margin-bottom:5.0pt'> <table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 width="98%" style='width:98.58%;margin-left:10.5pt'> <tr> <td width="100%" style='width:100.0%;padding:0cm 0cm 0cm 0cm'> <p><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt; font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'>1. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0900bf" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#0900BF;font-weight:bold'>At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. </span></font></b><b><font size=7 color="#1081ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:36.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#1081FF;font-weight:bold'>See If They Slow Down.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 2. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0b8140" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0B8140;font-weight:bold'>Page Yourself Over The Intercom. </span></font></b><b><font size=7 color="#06007f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:36.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#06007F; font-weight:bold'>Don't Disguise</span></font></b><b><font size=2 color=blue face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma;color:blue; font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#06007f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#06007F; font-weight:bold'>Your Voice.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif"; color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 3. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#619b9f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#619B9F;font-weight:bold'>Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color=olive face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:olive;font-weight:bold'>a</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#7f7f00" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#7F7F00;font-weight:bold'>sk If They Want Fries with that.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#7f7f00" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#7F7F00;font-weight:bold'><br> 4.</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0c00ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0C00FF;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd0000" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#FD0000;font-weight:bold'>Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0b8140" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0B8140;font-weight:bold'>"In". </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial; color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 5. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#482b1b" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#482B1B;font-weight:bold'>Put Decaf In The </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0c00ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0C00FF;font-weight:bold'>Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#482b1b" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#482B1B; font-weight:bold'> . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color=blue face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:blue;font-weight:bold'>Caffeine Addictions, </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'>Switch to Espresso.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 6. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#58708f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#58708F;font-weight:bold'>In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'>"</span></font></b><font size=4><span style='font-size:13.5pt'> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd7b00" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD7B00; font-weight:bold'>For </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd7b00" face=Arial><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#FD7B00; font-weight:bold'>Smuggling Diamonds". </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Arial><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 7.</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0c00ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0C00FF;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'>Finish All Your sentences with</span></font></b><b><font size=2 color=blue face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma; color:blue;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=5 color="#8000ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#8000FF;font-weight:bold'>"In Accordance With</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#8000ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#8000FF;font-weight:bold'> The Prophecy". </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 8.</span></font></b><b><font size=5 color="#fd00ff" face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#FD00FF;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#06007f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#06007F;font-weight:bold'>Don't use any punctuation.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 9.</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0c00ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0C00FF;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fe7c80" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#FE7C80;font-weight:bold'>As Often As Possible, </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color=blue face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:blue;font-weight:bold'>Skip</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fe7c80" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#FE7C80;font-weight:bold'> Rather Than Walk.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 10. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#212143" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#212143;font-weight:bold'>Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#10c160" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#10C160;font-weight:bold'>with a serious face.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 11. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#8b8b8b" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#8B8B8B;font-weight:bold'>Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is</span></font></b><b><font size=4 face=Arial><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:Arial;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'>"To Go". </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 12. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color=blue face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:blue;font-weight:bold'>Sing Along At The Opera.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif"; color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 13.</span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#0c00ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#0C00FF;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#7f7f00" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#7F7F00;font-weight:bold'>Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color=blue face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:blue;font-weight:bold'>Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?</span></font></b><b><font size=4><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 14. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#8180ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#8180FF;font-weight:bold'>Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#16ff80" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#16FF80;font-weight:bold'>Play tropical Sounds All Day.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 15. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#a84776" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#A84776;font-weight:bold'>Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#c3be71" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#C3BE71;font-weight:bold'>Not In The Mood.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif"; color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 16. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#be005f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#BE005F;font-weight:bold'>Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#418000" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#418000;font-weight:bold'>Rock Bottom.</span></font></b><b><font size=4 face=Arial><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:Arial;font-weight: bold'> </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family: Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 17. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#726284" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#726284;font-weight:bold'>When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream</span></font></b><b><font size=4><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-weight:bold'> </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#12c1bf" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana; color:#12C1BF;font-weight:bold'>"I Won! I Won!"</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif";color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 18. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#c07eff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#C07EFF;font-weight:bold'>When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family: Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'>"Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif"; color:blue'> </span></font><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 19. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#8000ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#8000FF;font-weight:bold'>Tell Your Children Over Dinner, </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#8180ff" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#8180FF; font-weight:bold'>"Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:blue'> </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><b><font size=6 color=blue face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt; font-family:Verdana;color:blue;font-weight:bold'>20. Go to the fitting rooms with a packet of condoms and say you would like to fit it.</span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#fd0086" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#FD0086;font-weight:bold'><br> 21. </span></font></b><b><font size=6 color="#b7c296" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#B7C296;font-weight:bold'>And The <st1:Street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">Final Way</st1:address></st1:Street> To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ..... </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=6 color="#40007f" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#40007F;font-weight:bold'><br> Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. </span></font></b><font color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial;color:blue'><br> </span></font><b><font size=7 color="#212143" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:36.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#212143;font-weight:bold'><br> Its Called ... </span></font></b><b><font size=7 color="#be0000" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:36.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#BE0000; font-weight:bold'>therapy.</span></font></b><font size=4 color=blue face="Microsoft Sans Serif"><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Microsoft Sans Serif"; color:blue'> </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </td> </tr> </table> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 color=blue face="Times New Roman"><span lang=EN-GB style='font-size:12.0pt;color:blue'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> </div> </blockquote> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-80893849101638077762007-03-07T23:13:00.001-08:002007-03-07T23:13:43.524-08:00Forgiveness !!! (Brilliant)A priest asked his congregation<br>"How many of you are willing to forgive your enemies?"<br>80% held up their hands. The priest then repeated his question.<br>All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady. <br>"Mrs Jones?" "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"<br>"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.<br>"Mrs Jones, that is very unusual. <br>How old are you?"<br>"Ninety eight" she replied.<br>"Oh, Mrs Jones, would you please come down to the front and tell us all<br>how a person can live ninety eight years and not have an enemy in the<br>World?" <p>The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the<br>congregation and said: <p>"I outlived the bitches."Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-68205305947727250912007-03-07T22:58:00.001-08:002007-03-07T22:58:30.481-08:00Origin of Afrikaans surnames..(CLASSIC)Dit is klasiek - this is classic...<p>What do u call: <br>1. A doctor that does circumcisions............ Dr. P.P. Snyman <br>2. An Afrikaaner Gynaecologist................... Dr.Koekemoer <br>3. An Afrikaaner who doesn't go to church............ Van NieKerk <br>4. An Afrikaaner who failed June exams.............. Viljoen <br>5. An Afrikaaner that trips and falls in the mountains.........Vander<br>Berg <br>6. The Afrikaaner that votes in EVERY election ...... WOUTER <br>7. The Afrikaaner that drives the loud Datsun Stanza........BASSon <br>8. The Afrikaaner that is very well endowed ......... De LANGE <br>9. A Male Afrikaaner that prefers other male species...... De KOCK <br>10. The Afrikaaner thats always high....... POTgieter . <br>11. An Afrikaaner moffie.......... Sakkie De KockRidwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-66760883878093377902007-03-07T22:56:00.001-08:002007-03-07T22:56:59.802-08:00WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...<div class=Section1> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...<br> <br> <br> <br> LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT MORNING.<br> <br> I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY,<br> "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.<br> <br> AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY<br> BIRTHDAY."<br> <br> I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER.<br> <br> MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE<br> OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.<br> <br> AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING, BOSS,<br> <br> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"<br> <br> IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.<br> <br> I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU<br> KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO<br> OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."<br> <br> I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET'S<br> GO!"<br> <br> WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO.<br> WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO<br> MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON THE WAY BACK TO THE<br> OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED<br> <br> TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"<br> <br> I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?"<br> <br> SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."<br> <br> AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU<br> DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT<br> BACK."<br> <br> "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.<br> <br> SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT <br> CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF<br> MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".<br> <br> <br> AND I JUST SAT THERE...<br> <br> <br> ON THE COUCH...<br> <br> <br> NAKED.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-73416520842078855792007-03-05T22:54:00.001-08:002007-03-05T22:54:48.580-08:00A little boys revenge - a must read> A little boy about 12 years old is<br>> walking down the street dragging a<br>> <br>> flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of<br>> <br>> "a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he<br>> <br>> wanted.<br>> <br>> He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have<br>> the<br>> <br>> money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she<br>> <br>> told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the<br>> <br>> girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said "No".<br>> He said, "I<br>> <br>> heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love<br>> <br>> with Amber.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> THAT'S the girl I want."<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,<br>> <br>> the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed<br>> <br>> down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes<br>> <br>> later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and<br>> <br>> headed out the door.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in<br>> <br>> the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> " He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my<br>> <br>> Parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with<br>> <br>> a baby-sitter.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she<br>> <br>> just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get<br>> <br>> the disease that I just caught.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On<br>> <br>> the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to<br>> <br>> bed and have sex and Mum will catch it.<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the<br>> <br>> milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the<br>> <br>> bstard who ran over my FROG!"<br>> <br>>Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-2537368899524107322007-03-05T07:17:00.001-08:002007-03-05T07:17:43.261-08:00inzy Interview...<div class=Section1> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Most Asian cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in <br> English, go prepared for some standard questions that are asked to <br> them when commentators chat during the awards ceremony. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> <blockquote style='border:none;border-left:solid #1010FF 1.5pt;padding:0cm 0cm 0cm 3.0pt; margin-left:3.0pt;margin-top:5.0pt;margin-bottom:5.0pt'> <div> <div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Inzamam was once asked a different question after <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Pakistan</st1:place></st1:country-region> won the <br> match, for which he was not prepared.</span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><br> He always had a standard response to the first question. But this time.....</span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Tony Greig: </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time!</span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Inzamam:</span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Rahim! All credit goes to the boys.<br> Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation <br> when he went in. Without his strokes it not have been possible. He <br> was pulling the good balls. Also Bob Woolmer keeping close watch on <br> progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort which pulled us<br> out of big hole.</span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> <div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Insha Allah, we all will work together as team, put in big effort and<br> deliver good result all the time. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </blockquote> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-40127654249037665282007-03-04T23:12:00.001-08:002007-03-04T23:12:22.405-08:00My Name: "Is TIK" <div class=Section1> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I destroy homes, I tear families apart, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>take your children, and that's just the start. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>If you need me, remember! I'm easily found, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I live all around you – in schools and in town. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I live with the rich; I live with the poor, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I live down the street, and maybe next door.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'm made in a lab, but not like you think, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I can be made under the kitchen sink. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>In your child's closet, and even in the woods, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>If this scares you to death, well it certainly should. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I have many names, but there's one you know best, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>My power is awesome; try me you'll see, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>But if you do, you may never break free.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Just try me once and I might let you go, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>But try me twice, and I'll own your soul. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>You do what you have to -- just to get high. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>(your lungs, and your nose). <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>When you see their tears, you should feel sad.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I turn people from God, and separate friends. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll be with you always -- right by your side.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>You'll give up everything - your family, your home, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>If you try me be warned - this is no game, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>If given the chance, I'll drive you insane. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, That you are mine, and we shall not part. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>But you came to me, not I to you.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>You knew this is would happen, many times you were told, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>You could have said no, and just walked away, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>If you could live that day over, now what would you say? <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll be your master; you will be my slave, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Now that you have met me, what will you do? <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>I can bring you more misery than words can tell, <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>_______________________________________________<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>If you care enough, please forward this profound poem and share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our young people & even our old. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>Remember, this is from the heart of a once beautiful young & innocent girl, someone’s beloved daughter and God’s child. Do not judge, but let her message be a warning to all whom choose to turn their backs on the reality, influences, evil and danger that face our children out there every single day even in the most protective schools and families. Teach them, love them, keep them otherwise occupied with family life and support and nurture their talents, and pray for them – that might give them better focus in life to make the right choices and not be so easily tempted and have opportunities to wander and try dangerous things to be “cool”. Help them become young responsible adults with self-respect and build their self-esteem and courage to say no under group pressure. Listen to them and show interest.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'>What can be more important to us than our loved ones – do not allow other responsibilities to rob you of you quality time with them!! <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-24835746514715233042007-03-01T03:08:00.001-08:002007-03-01T03:08:35.771-08:00Now THAT'S hi-tech! <div class=Section1> <p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height: 120%;font-family:Arial;color:#333333;display:none'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <div align=center> <table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 width="100%" bgcolor=white style='width:100.0%;background:white;border-collapse:collapse'> <tr height=12 style='height:9.0pt'> <td height=12 valign=top style='padding:0cm 3.0pt 0cm 0cm;height:9.0pt'> <p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#999999" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial; color:#999999'>Monday, 26 February 2007, 11:43 <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign=top style='padding:0cm 3.0pt 0cm 0cm'> <p style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial;color:#333333'>It's enough to have any blue-blooded, true South African manne frothing at the mouth and queueing overnight outside hi-tech retail shops - a beer launching bar fridge. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial;color:#333333'>According to a blog on USA Today, this amazing invention is a dream come true for dedicated beer lovers. Just ease back into the recliner, remote-control the latest Super 14 match, and have your favourite frostie tossed into your eager mitts.<br> The revolutionary fridge is controlled by a keyless entry system. Simply press unlock to start the catapult arm rotating, press unlock again when it's aimed at you, and press lock to launch.<br> The fridge, according to its ingenious inventor, holds a full case of beer, 10 beers in its magazine and 14 in reserve.<br> Gives new meaning to service delivery, doesn't it?<br> For pictures and a guide on how to make your own, go to <a href="http://www.duke.edu/%7Ejwc13/beerlauncher.html">www.duke.edu/~jwc13/beerlauncher.html</a> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </td> </tr> </table> </div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-89992695670981254552007-03-01T03:01:00.001-08:002007-03-01T03:01:26.685-08:00SA committed to digital broadcasting<div class=Section1> <div align=center> <table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 width="100%" bgcolor=white style='width:100.0%;background:white;border-collapse:collapse'> <tr height=24 style='height:18.0pt'> <td width="100%" height=24 style='width:100.0%;padding:0cm 3.0pt 0cm 0cm; height:18.0pt'> <p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:120%'><b><font size=1 color="#2a8ccb" face=Arial><span style='font-size:8.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial; color:#2A8CCB;font-weight:bold'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></b></p> </td> <td width="100%" height=24 style='width:100.0%;padding:0cm 3.0pt 0cm 0cm; height:18.0pt'> <p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial; color:#333333'><a href="http://it-online.co.za/index2.php?option=com_content&task=emailform&id=19070&itemid=142" target="_blank" title=E-mail><b><font color="#2a8ccb"><span style='color: #2A8CCB;font-weight:bold;text-decoration:none'><img border=0 width=28 height=10 id="_x0000_i1025" src="cid:image001.gif@01C75C01.B0462C20" alt=E-mail align=middle name=E-mail></span></font></b></a><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </td> </tr> </table> </div> <p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height: 120%;font-family:Arial;color:#333333;display:none'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <div align=center> <table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 width="100%" bgcolor=white style='width:100.0%;background:white;border-collapse:collapse'> <tr height=12 style='height:9.0pt'> <td height=12 valign=top style='padding:0cm 3.0pt 0cm 0cm;height:9.0pt'> <p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#999999" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial; color:#999999'>Monday, 26 February 2007, 11:28 <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign=top style='padding:0cm 3.0pt 0cm 0cm'> <p style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial;color:#333333'>It's official: <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">South Africa</st1:country-region></st1:place> is to follow world trends and switch to digital broadcasting as early as next year. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p style='line-height:120%'><font size=1 color="#333333" face=Arial><span style='font-size:6.5pt;line-height:120%;font-family:Arial;color:#333333'>During last week's Cabinet meeting, the decision to switch on digital broadcasting on 1 November 2008, and switch off the analogue signal on 1 November 2008, was approved.<br> It was also decided to retain enough frequency spectrum for broadcasting purposes to provide for new television channels. These would be for specialised services dedicated to education, health, youth, small to medium enterprises, and sports. Three regional service channels that would cater for three channels each.<br> A communication campaign will be launched to inform and educate the public about the implications of the analogue-to-digital migration. Meanwhile, the Department of Trade and Industry will interact with television manufacturers and retailers to sensitise them to the conversion.<br> Also during Wednesday's meeting, Cabinet approved the National Information Society and Development (ISAD) Plan as a framework for building an inclusive information society in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">South Africa</st1:country-region></st1:place>.<br> A Ministerial ISAD Committee, chaired by the Presidency, will be set up to co-ordinate government activities in this regard, and a partnership forum, the Information Society and Development Intergovernmental Relations Forum (ISADIGRF), has been launched to co-ordinate activities of government and civil society.<br> Cabinet has also approved a policy and strategy for the implementation of Free and Open Source Software (FOSS) in government.<br> All new software developed for or by the government will be based on open standards and government will itself migrate current software to FOSS.<br> This strategy will, among other things, lower administration costs and enhance local IT skills.<br> By April 2007, a project office will be set up by the Department of Science & Technology, the Council for Scientific & Industrial Research (CSIR) and State Information Technology Agency (SITA) to ensure smooth implementation of FOSS throughout the country.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </td> </tr> </table> </div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <!-- joscomment --></div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-3868600571376250612007-02-19T23:08:00.001-08:002007-02-19T23:08:12.550-08:00Crime pays!<div class=Section1> <p align=center style='text-align:center'><u><font size=5 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>Crime definitely pays!<br> </span></font></u><o:p></o:p></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Verdana'>After I was a victim of crime in 2000, i attended many crime discussions, brain storming and therapy sessions. At each of these discussions the question came up on how to tackle the symptoms of crime. The only question never raised was:<br> <br> <u>Question:</u> "What is the influence of crime on the S.A. Govt?"<br> <br> <u>Answer:</u> Crime generates millions and millions of <st1:place w:st="on">Rand</st1:place>'s for the S.A. Govt<br> <br> <u>Here are the facts:<br> <br> Example 1:<br> </u> <br> Take just one million home owners in <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Gauteng</st1:place></st1:State> who pay for "armed crime reaction" (not crime prevention) where private security companies react AFTER the crime has taken place - no wonder they never make any arrests!<br> <br> This service costs on average R250 p.m. Therefore 1 000,000 x R240.00 X 12 months x 14% VAT, generates R403 million in tax revenue for the S.A. Govt!<br> <br> <u>Example 2:<br> </u> <br> A car thief steals a R500,000 car and receives between R10,000 and R30,000 for his deed.<br> <br> The car owner is paid out by insurance and then purchases another similar vehicle, on which he pays 14% VAT of approx R70,000 as a direct result of crime. Who profited the most? The thief or the S.A.Govt?<br> <br> We must begin with a mechanism whereby the S.A. Govt is forced to reconsider this unconstitutional and immoral practice of profiting from crime!<br> <br> <b><span style='font-weight:bold'>All</span></b> South Africans should demand that <b><span style='font-weight:bold'>all</span></b> payments related to protection of life and property should be VAT free and Tax deductible!<br> <br> This principle should also apply to replacement of stolen property as well as estate duty. If a person dies as a result of crime we should also demand that estate duty not be paid. How much do you think the S.A. Govt has made out of estate duty from the murders of 1300 South African farmers?<br> <br> The S.A. Govt likes to compare us to overseas. Well overseas your safety and security is covered by your income tax and is tax deductible!<br> <br> It is time that South Africans stood together and made the Govt and public aware of the Govt's "income" from crime. In the meantime crime is the goose that lays the golden egg<br> Is it also not unreasonable to expect victims of violence and hijackings to pay their own medical costs? The Govt should pay for these expenses as well as family counselling for victims!<br> <br> Come on <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">South Africa</st1:place></st1:country-region>, ask the right questions and demand the right answers!<br> <font color=blue><span style='color:blue'> <br> </span></font>You could just delete this message or you could help make a difference. Send this to everyone you know - now!</span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-54012632263674535072007-02-14T04:22:00.000-08:002007-02-14T04:23:03.289-08:00VALENTINE'S DAY, ITS ORIGIN <div class=Section1> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><strong><b><font size=3 color="#006600" face=Verdana><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:#006600'>The story of the Festival of Love (Valentine's Day)</span></font></b></strong><b><font color="#006600" face=Verdana><span style='font-family:Verdana;color:#006600; font-weight:bold'><br> <strong><b><font face=Verdana><span style='font-family:Verdana'>------------------------------------</span></font></b></strong><br> </span></font></b><font face=Verdana><span style='font-family:Verdana'>The Festival of Love was one of the festivals of the pagan Romans, when paganism was the prevalent religion of the Romans more than seventeen centuries ago. In the pagan Roman concept, it was an expression of "spiritual love". </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>There were myths associated with this pagan festival of the Romans, which persisted with their Christian heirs. Among the most famous of these myths was the Roman belief that <st1:City w:st="on">Romulus</st1:City>, the founder of <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Rome</st1:place></st1:City>, was suckled one day by a she-wolf, which gave him strength and wisdom. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>The Romans used to celebrate this event in mid-February each year with a big festival. One of the rituals of this festival was the sacrifice of a dog and a goat. Two strong and muscular youths would smear the blood of the dog and goat onto their bodies, and then they would wash the blood away with milk. After that there would be a great parade, with these two youths at its head, which would go about the streets. The two youths would have pieces of leather with which they would hit everyone who crossed their path. The Roman women would welcome these blows, because they believed that they could prevent or cure infertility. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>The connection between Saint Valentine and this festival - Saint Valentine is a name which is given to two of the ancient "martyrs" of the Christian Church. It was said that there were two of them, or that there was only one, who died in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Rome</st1:place></st1:City> as the result of the persecution of the Gothic leader Claudius, c. 296 CE. In 350 CE, a church was built in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Rome</st1:place></st1:City> on the site of the place where he died, to perpetuate his memory. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>When the Romans embraced Christianity, they continued to celebrate the Feast of Love, but they changed it from the pagan concept of "spiritual love" to another concept known as the "martyrs of love", represented by Saint Valentine who had advocated love and peace, for which cause he was martyred, according to their claims. It was also called the Feast of Lovers, and Saint Valentine was considered to be the patron saint of lovers. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>One of their false beliefs connected with this festival was that the names of girls who had reached marriageable age would be written on small rolls of paper and placed in a dish on a table. Then the young men who wanted to get married would be called, and each of them would pick a piece of paper. He would put himself at the service of the girl whose name he had drawn for one year, so that they could find out about one another. Then they would get married, or they would repeat the same process again on the day of the festival in the following year. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>The Christian clergy reacted against this tradition, which they considered to have a corrupting influence on the morals of young men and women. It was abolished in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Italy</st1:place></st1:country-region>, where it had been well-known, then it was revived in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, when in some western countries there appeared shops which sold small books called "Valentine's books", which contained love poems, from which the one who wanted to send a greeting to his sweetheart could choose. They also contained suggestions for writing love letters. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>It was also said concerning the origins of this holiday that when the Romans became Christian, after Christianity had become widespread, the Roman emperor Claudius II decreed in the third century CE that soldiers should not get married, because marriage would distract them from the wars they used to fight. This decree was opposed by Saint Valentine, who started to perform marriages for the soldiers in secret. When the emperor found out about that, he threw him in jail and sentenced him to execution. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>In prison, he (Saint Valentine) fell in love with the jailer's daughter, but this was a secret because according to Christian laws, priests and monks were forbidden to marry or fall in love. But he is still regarded highly by the Christians because of his steadfastness in adhering to Christianity when the emperor offered to pardon him if he forsook Christianity and worshipped the Roman gods; then he would be one of his closest confidantes and he would make him his son-in-law. But Valentine refused this offer and preferred Christianity, so he was executed on 14 February 270 CE, on the eve of February 15, the festival of Lupercalis. So this day was named for this saint. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>Today, Valentine's Day has become commercialized a mere money-making opportunity. Prohibition of imitating pagan ways is one of the basic principles of Shariah. Allah has made Islam cover all (human) interests at all times and in all places and for all people. So there is no need to adopt the ways of pagans or imitate them. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>Expression of feelings and emotions is not a justification for the Muslim to allocate a day for celebration based on his own thoughts and ideas, and to call it a festival, or make it like a festival or Eid. In Islam, a husband loves his wife throughout the year, and he expresses that love towards her with gifts, in verse and in prose, in letters and in other ways, throughout the years – not just on one day of the year. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> <p><font size=2 face=Verdana><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>Love in Islam is more general and more comprehensive; it is not restricted only to one kind of love, that between a man and a woman. There are many more kinds of love. There is the love of Allah, love of His Messenger Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and his companions RA, love for good and righteous people, love and support for the religion. There are many kinds of love. It is a dangerous mistake to restrict this broad meaning to just one kind of love. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'><br clear=all> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-7944489628882814722007-02-12T01:34:00.000-08:002007-02-09T02:38:07.567-08:00Us South Africans - Positive Outlook<strong>Here is something interesting; it is a speech by Guy Lundy of Dimension Data Business Solutions:</strong><br /><br />Below is a speech I gave the other night. It went down so well with the audience that a number of people asked me for copies of it. So I thought I may as well share it with other people too so they can spread the message,<br />especially those living overseas and those who care about spreading a positive message about South Africa.<br />"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."<br />Many years ago I was an exchange student in the USA, and every morning in my school, as in all schools across America, all classes came to a halt as the Pledge of Allegiance came over the loudspeaker system and every student stood to repeat these words.<br />I was quite amazed by this display of daily brainwashing in so-called "land of the free". But in hindsight it isn't actually that amazing, because we've all experienced how Americans are just so proud to be American. No<br />matter how big their problems, and heaven knows they've got a lot of them, Americans will still spend hours telling you how fantastic their country is, and in fact, how it is better than, pretty much anywhere else in the world.<br />What a contrast then, when I later spent a few years in London and I ended up actively avoiding other South Africans. Why? Because frankly their negativity about our homeland irritated me so much! These people who will gladly put new South African flags on their cars and support a whole cottage industry importing biltong and NikNaks to munch on as they cheer on the Springboks at Twickenham, will spend hours telling anyone who will listen just how awful it is in South Africa, how lucky they are to be in London and how they are never going back because it's in such a mess. At the time I put it down to the fact that they were justifying why they were<br />holed up in their dingy little flats under grey London skies while their friends and family enjoyed the sunshine on Camps Bay beach. However, when I came home, expecting to be greeted by the smiles of new South Africans<br />everywhere, I was very disappointed to find that exactly the same attitude is pervasive right here. The number of people, who asked me why I came back here and why on earth I had brought my French wife with me, simply amazed me. I would have thought the answer was perfectly obvious.<br />I was later very disturbed, although not surprised, to hear that our president found it necessary to make a point to South African businessmen that they should stop running down their own country on overseas business trips. Can anyone tell me what it is that makes sense about running down your own home to foreign people that you would like to visit here and invest here?<br />It seems to me like inviting your boss to dinner at your house in the hope of getting a promotion but discouraging him from coming because you're a terrible cook and your dog bites. Yes, we have problems, but so does everybody else. Sure, the Rand is down the toilet, but if you look closely enough, you'll see that just about every other emerging market country has suffered from the same woes - and that includes Australia and New Zealand,<br />which everyone seems in such a rush to get to. And aren't we lucky that we aren't living in Argentina with their currency crisis? Sure, our neighbour, Zimbabwe, is run by a mad, despotic fool, but man am I glad that I'm not a<br />Pakistani. We have AIDS and we also have an army of people trying to find a cure for it * possibly more vigorously than anywhere else since we have the most to lose from it. We do have corruption, and the Americans have George W. Bush, whether they like it or not. We've got all sorts of problems, yes, but must we be so hard on ourselves? In many ways we are far better off in South Africa as a whole than we have been at any time in our history.<br />Our people are getting educated and housed at a world-beating rate, we have amongst the world's cheapest electricity, our inflation is the lowest it's been in my lifetime, we have an economic growth rate and there is development everywhere you look.<br />We have so much going for us; we have so many good people, such an interesting mix of cultures; we have so much beautiful countryside and natural resources that we can draw from - we really have such a bright future ahead of us. Let us concentrate on the positive things that surround us every day, the sunshine, the people, the beauty, and the progress. Constantly criticising our country can only do harm for you personally, your personal feeling of happiness and well-being and for the country that you know from the bottom of your heart that you love, otherwise you wouldn't be here.<br />Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you, do not run down South Africa, neither at home nor overseas. Become ambassadors for your country. Welcome foreign guests and point out how far we have come and how far we're going to go how they need to watch out for us on the world stage. And if you're overseas on business or holiday (if you can afford it), tell people how much South Africa has going for it and invite them to come and see for themselves.<br />I have devised my own pledge of allegiance and I'd like to repeat it to you now : "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the Republic of South Africa and to the interesting people, places and idiosyncrasies for which it stands, one nation under several religions, languages and cultures, yet indivisible, with freedom, basic needs and progress for all."<br />That is my pledge of allegiance to my home, our home. I pledge to help others see what is so good about it.<br />Our Beloved Country!!! South Africa, almost alone amongst emerging market economies, is set to escape virtually unscathed from the latest bout of investor panic sweeping the developing world's fragile economies (The Times, London, August 2001)<br />The SA banking sector has been consistently ranked in the top 10 in terms of competitiveness (MD, Switzerland). When Nelson Mandela was inaugurated President in 1994, SA was insolvent (liabilities exceeded assets).<br />Today the Government's deficit is negligible - one of only a handful of countries in this position. We've had single digit inflation since 1993 - following 20 years of double-digit inflation.<br />Mortgage rates are at their lowest level since 1988. South Africa is one of only 12 countries, where we can drink water from a tap. Our tap water was found to be the 3rd best quality in the entire world.<br />Remember 15 years ago, in 1986: A state of emergency was declared White men did two years compulsory military service * 64 184 black people were removed from "white areas" * 3989 people were detained without trial * Our economic growth rate was 0.7 percent - today it is 3% * 64 countries had sports boycotts against SA!!!<br />South African wines win international awards every year and we have the longest wine route in the world. Nelson Mandela, an international icon of forgiveness, tolerance, and humanity is our favourite son. The Kruger Park has the most innovative management of a national park anywhere in the world - and is the world's most profitable game park. Eskom is the largest producer of coal-fired electricity in the world and South Africans pay the least for electricity in the world. South African Breweries is the 4th largest brewer in the world and produces over 50% of China's beer!<br />Mercedes Benz C Class, BMW 3 Series and VW Golf/Jetta vehicles for all right-hand drive markets throughout the world are produced in South Africa. Didata grew from a local IT service provider into a huge, global networking company with branches in 30 countries. The Cape Peninsula has more species<br />of plants here per hectare than any other area of the world.<br />Magnificent highways, warm, friendly, vibrant rainbow people! The world's most progressive Constitution Kreepy Kraulies - a South African invention - Mrs Ball's chutney and biltong. The world's best looking population.<br />"For every guy who holds up a gun, there are 99 who hold out a hand of friendship" - Dennis Beckett, journalist.<br />This is something I've never done, but after reading this, all I ask from you is to send this on, to your friends, family and others. Let us in this way deal with our negatives and let us try to be positive. By being<br />positive we can continue to go far in life and we can all strive for a better and more positive life and country.<br />Regards to you all, peace, and positive thinking - that's the way to go!Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-68152283357966242972007-02-07T23:36:00.001-08:002007-02-09T02:37:34.686-08:00Second Opinion<div class="Section1"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family:Arial;font-size:10;color:#333333;"><?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><blockquote style="BORDER-RIGHT: medium none; PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; BORDER-TOP: medium none; PADDING-LEFT: 6pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; MARGIN: 5pt 0cm 5pt 4.8pt; BORDER-LEFT: #cccccc 1pt solid; PADDING-TOP: 0cm; BORDER-BOTTOM: medium none"><div style="MARGIN: 3.75pt 7.5pt 7.5pt;color:#ffffff;" ><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="MARGIN-LEFT: 13.5pt; WIDTH: 96.18%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="96%" border="0"><tbody><tr><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><span id="q_1105866b2f16bc4e_1"><div><div><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="WIDTH: 100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tbody><tr><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"><div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="color:#333333;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:10;"> </span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">pressure is to remove the testicles." </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><div><div><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="color:#333333;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">As he walked down the</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:10;"> </span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">street, he realized that he felt like a different person. </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s clothing store and thought, "That<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s what I need... a new suit. That<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>ll make me feel a little better." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>d like a new suit. </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s see... Size 44 long." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe laughed, "That<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s right, how did you know?" </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe tried on the suit... it fitted perfectly. </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe was surprised. "That<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s right, how did you know?" </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fitted perfectly. </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked," How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said," Sure." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">The salesman said, "Let<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>s see... size 36." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:#333333;">The salesman shook his head, "You can<st1:personname st="on">'</st1:personname>t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." </span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="color:#333333;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">New suit - </span></span><span style="font-family:Arial Unicode MS;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:'Arial Unicode MS';font-size:11;">?</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">400</span></span> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="color:#333333;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">New shirt - </span></span><span style="font-family:Arial Unicode MS;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:'Arial Unicode MS';font-size:11;">?</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">36</span></span> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="color:#333333;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">New underwear - </span></span><span style="font-family:Arial Unicode MS;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:'Arial Unicode MS';font-size:11;">?</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">10</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:10;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 4pt; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span style="color:#333333;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11;">Second Opinion - PRICELESS</span></span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:10;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12;"><br clear="all"><span style="color:#333333;"></span></span></span><o:p></o:p></p></div><div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></div></td></tr><tr><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="WIDTH: 100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tbody><tr><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" width="100%"><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" valign="bottom"><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" valign="bottom"><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12;"><a href="http://www.incredimail.com/index.asp?id=98998" target="_blank"><span style="color:#333333;"></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></div></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></div><br /></span><span id="q_1105866b2f16bc4e_1"></span></td></tr><tr><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 1.5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 1.5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1.5pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 1.5pt" width="100%"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="WIDTH: 100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tbody><tr><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" width="100%"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" valign="bottom"><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td><td style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" valign="bottom"><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 7.5pt; MARGIN-LEFT: 19.05pt; MARGIN-RIGHT: 7.5pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0cm"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></div></blockquote><br /><br /><p><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size:12;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></div>Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-86863081632075509752007-02-07T23:29:00.001-08:002007-02-09T02:35:41.094-08:00Chuck Norris in IT<div class="Section1"><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt"><span style="font-family:DejaVu Sans;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:'DejaVu Sans';font-size:10;color:#333333;">1. Chuck Norris invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C - TWICE<br /><br />2. Chuck Norris is the Domain controller<br /><br />3. Chuck Norris has the IP 0.0.0.0<br /><br />4. Chuck Norris can ping 256.256.256.256 and get a reply.<br /><br />5. Chuck Norris can hack into ANY bank with his palmtop.<br /><br />6. Chuck Norris' computer boots into Windows XP Pro even though only DOS 2 is installed.<br /><br />7. Chuck Norris' email address is ChuckNorris. He IS the internet domain.<br /><br />8. Chuck Norris is mailer-daemon<br /><br />9. Chuck Norris is Dr Watson<br /><br />10. format c: is the request to have Chuck Norris come roundhouse kick your PC<br /><br />11. Chuck Norris has Windows XP on his Apple MAC<br /><br />12. Chuck Norris never gets the page cannot be displayed error<br /><br />13. Machine code is another name for Chuck Norris language<br /><br />14. Chuck Norris CPU doesn't have a fan<br /><br />15. Chuck Norris can write DVDs on floppy drive<br /><br />16. Chuck Norris invented the internet<br /><br />17. Chuck Norris can paste pics in Notepad<br /><br />18. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his 14400k modem & thats how we got ADSL<br /><br />19. Chuck Norris's Dot matrix printer prints photos - in colour<br /><br />20. Chuck Norris uses Notepad as a database<br /><br />21 Chuck Norris' PC speaker gives him 7.1 DTS surround sound<br /><br />22. Chuck Norris monitor has no glare...no-one glares at Chuck Norris<br /><br />23. Chuck Norris can edit PDF files<br /><br />24. Chuck Norris rips CDs with his hands<br /><br />25. Chuck Norris can download Metallica mp3s using Naspter<br /><br />26. Chuck Norris has a yahoo account with hotmail<br /><br />27. Chuck Norris has an Intel CPU on an AMD motherboard<br /><br />28. Chuck Norris can program a MAC with excel macros<br /><br />29. Chuck Norris website has never had a hit - Nobody hits Chuck Norris' website</span></span><?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></p></div>Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-70672255714082121792007-02-06T23:47:00.001-08:002007-02-06T23:57:29.842-08:00The value of a woman in Islam & 6 gems to live by<div class="Section1"><p><span style="color:#999999;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;">This</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"> couldn't be said more beautifully....<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">Be careful if you make a woman cry,</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">because Allah counts her tears</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="color:#999999;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;">A woman came out of a</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"> man’s rib,<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">over, but from his side to be equal Under the arm to be protected and</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">next to the heart to be loved.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know...And to men too</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">so they know the value of a woman in Islam!</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">Here are six beautiful gems for every muslim to live by.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">1. <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Imaan</span></b>, Every muslim should strive for perfect Imaan.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">2. <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Salaah</span></b>, Salaah should be given preference over all matters.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">3. <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Zikr</span></b>, We should remember the Almighty with every breath we take.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">4. <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Ikraam</span></b>, A muslim should always be ready to assist a fellow muslim</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">at all costs.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">5. <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Ikhlaas</span></b>, Anything we do, we do for Allah alone.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">6. <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Dawah illal-laah</span></b>, Always show those around you the beauty of our</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">deen.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;color:#999999;">PASS THIS MESSAGE ON. IF YOU DO NOT, NOTHING WILL BEFALL YOU.</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10;"><span style="color:#999999;">BUT IF YOU DO - YOU MAY HAVE BROUGHT SOMEONE CLOSER TO HIS CREATOR</span>.<span style="color:navy;"><span style="color:navy;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p></div>Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-55182987058122925612007-02-05T03:39:00.000-08:002007-02-05T04:07:20.286-08:00Suncoast Casino security issues!Yesterday at about 14h00 my bag which contained some towels, a cellphone & my car keys was stolen from the sundeck at Suncoast Casino, right under our noses. We pay R5 pp to enter a so called "Safe" swimming area which is meant to have security guards at all times controlling access to the sundeck but instead it appears that the guards duty ends at the point that he collects the money from you. Access to the beach was completely unguarded & the security that collects the entrance fee was busy making out with his chick under a tree near the entrance. There is no camera dedicated for this particular area.<br />Apart from the use of umbrellas, what are we paying for?Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-35048610147809303732007-02-05T03:37:00.001-08:002007-02-05T03:37:57.569-08:00CONSULTANT<div class=Section1> <div> <blockquote style='border:none;border-left:solid #1010FF 1.5pt;padding:0cm 0cm 0cm 3.0pt; margin-left:3.0pt;margin-top:5.0pt;margin-bottom:5.0pt'> <div id=signature> <blockquote style='margin-top:5.0pt;margin-bottom:5.0pt'> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?" <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Hamburg</st1:City>, <st1:country-region w:st="on">Germany</st1:country-region></st1:place>. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep.†<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.†says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep? “<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?†<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>“You’re a consultant.†says the shepherd. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>“Wow! That’s correct,†says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?†<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>“No guessing required.†answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business..."<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> <div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'>"...Now give me back my dog!"<o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </blockquote> </div> </blockquote> </div> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'><!-- toctype = X-unknown --><!-- toctype = text --><!-- text --> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-16350160382897262712007-02-03T04:42:00.000-08:002007-02-03T04:44:30.207-08:00Nadias Story - Told thorugh her tears<div class=Section1> <div> <p><b><u><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size: 10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue;font-weight:bold'>Nadia's Story Told Through Her Tears: The Americans Have Raped Me Like This! Jan 29, 2007</span></font></u></b><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 color=blue face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt;color:blue'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>This article is dedicated to every Muslim who still has blood running in his veins. </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia is one of the victims of the American mercenaries in Abu Ghraib prison. She was detained for unknown reasons. When she was released from the prison, didn't throw herself into the arms of her family as most of the oppressed prisoners released have done dose, especially when he is being fuelled by the fire of the oppression and a yearning for his family.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size: 10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Simply, Nadia escaped immediately after she left prison, not because of the shame that will follow her because of some crime she has committed but because of what she and the other Iraqi captive women have been subject to; rape, and torture by the hands of the American mercenaries in Abu Gharib prison. The walls of the prison tell many tragic stories but what Nadia tells is the living truth and a living hell.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia begins her story: </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> I was visiting one of my relatives, and suddenly the American forces attacked the home and started to inspect it. They found some light weapons.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>So, they arrested all people in the home including me. I tried to explain to the interpreter, who was accompanying the American patrol, that I am just a visitor. However, my trials failed.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>I cried, begged them, and I lost consciousness from fear when they took me to Abu Gharib prison. </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia continues they put me alone in a dark and dirty prison cell. I expected that I will be released soon, especially when the investigation proved that I hadn't committed a crime</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia elaborated while tears poured down her cheek, a telling sign of just how much she has suffered. </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> The first day was so burdensome. The cell was malodorous, humid and dark, and this condition increased the fear inside me more and more.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>The laughs of the soldier outside the cell made me even more scared.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'> <br> </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'>I was afraid of what would happen to me. For the first time I felt that I was in a difficult gridlock and that I had entered an unknown world that I would not get out of.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>In the middle of these different feelings, I heard a voice for an American soldier woman who was speaking in an Arabic language. She said to me: I didn't imagine that the weapons traders in are women. When I started to explain to her the circumstances of the situation, she beat me cruelly. I cried and shouted By Allah! I am oppressed, By Allah! I am oppressed</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>The soldier showered me with insults in a way that I have never thought possible or that I would ever be subjected to under any circumstances.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Then, she started to deride me saying that she was monitoring me all the day via the satellite, and that they can track their enemies even inside their own bedrooms by American technology.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Then she laughed and said: I was watching you when you were making love with your husband. I replied in a confused voice But I am not married.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>She beat me for more than one an hour and she forced me to drink a glass of water, and I knew later that they put a drug in it. I regained my consciousness after two days to find myself naked. I knew immediately that I have lost something that all the laws in the earth will not be able to return it to me once again. I had been raped. A hysterical fit attacked me and I started to hit my head violently against the walls till more than five American soldiers head by that soldier women entered the cell and started to beat me, and they raped me alternately while they laughing and listening to a loud music.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Day by day the scenario of raping me was repeated. And every day they invent new ways that are crueller than the prior ways.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size: 10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>She went on describing the horrible acts of the American criminals: </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> After about one month, a Negro soldier entered my cell and threw me two pieces of American military clothes. He said in weak Arabic language to wear them. After he put a black bag on my head, he led me to a public toilet where there are pipes for cold and hot water and he asked me to bathe. He then closed the door and left.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>I was so exhausted and feeling pain, and despite the tremendous number of the bruises in my body, I poured out some water on my body.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size: 10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Before I finish my bath, the Negro soldier came in. I frightened, and I hit him in the face with the water bowl. His reaction was so tough.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>He raped me cruelly and spit on my face, then he left and returned with two soldiers who returned me to the cell. </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>The treatment continued that way, to the extent that sometimes I was raped ten times in a day, the matter which affected my health negatively.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia continued in revealing the American horrible actions made against the Iraqi women, saying: </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> After more than 4 months, a woman soldier woman came, and I concluded from her conversation with other soldiers that her name is Mary. She said to me now you have a golden opportunity, since an officer who has a high position will visit us today, if you deal with him positively, you would be released, especially because we are sure you are innocent.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>I replied, If you are sure of I am innocent, why you don't release me? </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>She screamed in nervousness, The only way that guarantees your releasing is to be positive with them. </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>She took me to the public toilets, and she supervised my bath while she was holding a thick stick, hitting me by it if I didn't perform her orders.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Then, she gave me makeup, and warned me not to cry and ruin my makeup. Then she took me to an empty small room where there was nothing but a cover on the floor, and after one an hour she came accompanied with four soldiers who was holding cameras. She took off her clothes and she harassed me as if she was a man. The soldiers were laughing and listening to a noisy music, and taking photographs to me in all poses, and they were emphasizing on my face.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>The woman asked me to smile otherwise she is going to kill me, and she took a gun from one of her colleagues and fired four bullets near my head, and swore that the fifth bullet will be fired in my head.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>After that, the four soldiers raped me alternately the matter which made me lose my consciousness. When I regained the consciousness I found myself in the cell and the traces of their teeth, nails and cigarettes are in everywhere in my body.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia stopped narrating her tragedy to wipe her tears, then she</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'> <br> </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'>continued: After one day Mary came and told me that I was cooperative, and I will be released but after I watch the film that they have shot. I was in pain when I saw the film, and she (Mary)</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>said: you have been created for the sole purpose for us to enjoy.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'> <br> </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'>At the moment I became very anger and I attacked her although I was afraid of her reaction, and I would kill her except for the interfering of the soldiers. When the soldiers released me she showered me with hitting, then they left me.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>After this incident, nobody harassed me for more then one month; I spent that period in the praying and invocation to Allah, the All-Mighty who has all power, to help me.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Mary came with some soldiers who gave me the clothes that I was wearing when they arrested me and took me to an American car. Then they threw me on the highway road after giving me 10,000 Iraqi Dinars.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size: 10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>I went to a home that was near the place where I have been thrown out and since I know the reaction of my family, I preferred to visit one of my relatives to let them know what happened after my absence. I knew that my brother had held a consolation board for me for more than 4 months, and they considered me as a dead person.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>I understand the knife of shame is waiting for me. So, I went to </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Baghdad</span></font></st1:place></st1:City></st1:City></st1:place><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> where I found a good family who lodged me, and I worked with this family as a maid and governess for their children.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia wonders in pain, regret and bitterness: </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'> Who will quench my thirst? Who will return my virginity? What is the offence of my family and kin? I have inside me a baby, and I don't know who his father is.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>And she ends her story here. </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial; color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Did rape Nadia or did they rape every man and woman in the Ummah?</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'> <br> </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Nadia is me and you, your wife and my wife, your sister and my sister, your mother and my mother. Oh Islam's Sanctity! Oh our Islam!</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>Violent Fighting Underway In <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Baghdad</st1:City></st1:City> As The <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Battle</st1:City></st1:place></st1:place></st1:City> For The Caliphate Unfolds Jan 29, 2007 </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> <p><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial;color:blue'>If we can read this and still feel nothing we need to question our Imaan.</span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'> <br> </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span lang=EN-ZA style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'>The Americans and their allies shall pay! Indeed they shall pay! </span></font><font size=2 color=blue face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:blue'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-84299228711262218022007-02-03T04:28:00.001-08:002007-02-03T04:28:39.498-08:00THE DOCTORS OFFICE<div class=Section1> <table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellpadding=0 width="100%" style='width:100.0%'> <tr> <td width="99%" style='width:99.64%;padding:.75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt'> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=4 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:Tahoma'>This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room <br> full of other patients. </span></font><font size=2 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma'><br> </span></font><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><br> </span></font><font size=4 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:Tahoma'><br> I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. <br> <br> An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.....</span></font><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial'><br> </span></font><font size=4 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:Tahoma'><br> The Receptionist <st1:PersonName w:st="on">sa</st1:PersonName>id, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied. The Receptionist became irritated and <st1:PersonName w:st="on">sa</st1:PersonName>id, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and <st1:PersonName w:st="on">sa</st1:PersonName>y things like that." <br> <br> "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he <st1:PersonName w:st="on">sa</st1:PersonName>id. The Receptionist replied; " Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have <st1:PersonName w:st="on">sa</st1:PersonName>id there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." </span></font><font size=2 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Tahoma'><br> </span></font><font size=4 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:Tahoma'><br> <br> The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. </span></font><font size=2 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma'><br> </span></font><font size=4 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:Tahoma'><br> <br> The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??" <br> "There's something wrong with my ear", he stated. <br> The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??" </span></font><font size=2 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma'><br> </span></font><font size=4 face=Tahoma><span style='font-size:13.5pt; font-family:Tahoma'><br> <br> "I can't piss out of it," he replied. <br> The waiting room erupted in laughter. </span></font><o:p></o:p></p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style='padding:.75pt .75pt .75pt .75pt'> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </td> </tr> </table> <p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size: 12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-78174139512183284032007-02-01T05:19:00.001-08:002007-02-01T05:19:05.888-08:00How divorce happens<div class=Section1> <div> <p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:12.0pt'><tt><font size=2 face="Courier New"><span style='font-size:10.0pt'>A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife </span></font></tt><font size=2 face="Courier New"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Courier New"'>looks<tt><font face="Courier New"> over at him and asks the question.... </font></tt><br> <br> <br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married </font></tt>again<tt><font face="Courier New">?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "Of course I do." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurt look) </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">WIFE: -- silence -- </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New"> </font></tt><br> <tt><font face="Courier New">HUSBAND: "sh*t." </font></tt><br> <br> </span></font><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family: Arial'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-18912009121111018152007-01-31T23:04:00.000-08:002007-01-31T23:05:00.911-08:00SA presidential IQ test<div class=Section1> <div> <p class=MsoNormal style='margin-bottom:12.0pt'><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><br> President Mbeki meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your<br> Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips<br> you can give to me?"<br> <br> "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround<br> yourself with intelligent people."<br> <br> President Mbeki frowns. "But how do I know the people around me<br> are really intelligent?"<br> <br> <br> The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask<br> them to answer an intelligence riddle."<br> <br> The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony<br> Blair in here, would you?"<br> <br> Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"<br> <br> The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and<br> father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who<br> is it?"<br> Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be<br> me."<br> <br> "Yes! Very good," says the Queen.<br> <br> Back in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Cape town</st1:place></st1:City>, President Mbeki asks to speak with vice<br> president Zuma.<br> "Answer this for me. Your mother and your Father have a child.<br> It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"<br> <br> "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you<br> on that one."<br> <br> Zuma goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give<br> him an answer. Finally, he ends up at the V&A Waterfront and bumps into<br> Evita Bezuidenhout. Zuma looks around to see if anyone can overhear then<br> whispers, "Evita! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and<br> father have a child and it's not your brother! or your sister.<br> Who is it?"<br> <br> Evita whispers back, "That's easy. It's me!"<br> <br> Zuma smiles and says "Thanks!"<br> <br> Zuma goes back to Parliament to speak with Pres Mbeki. "Say, I<br> did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Evita<br> Bezuidenhuit."<br> <br> Mbeki gets up, stomps over to Zuma, and angrily yells into his<br> face,<br> "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!<br> <br> <br> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p> </div> </div> Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-8502667432192362882007-01-31T02:22:00.001-08:002007-01-31T02:23:44.616-08:00Guide on How to Keep a Girl<div class="Section1"><div vlink="purple" text="#000000" link="blue" bg style="color:white;"><div><p><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:10;">1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.<br /><br />2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this<br />will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).<br /><br />3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.<br /><br />4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If<br />she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.<br /><br />5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.<br /><br />6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewellery is for wussies.<br /><br />7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "F__ you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.<br /><br />8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."<br /><br />9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.<br /><br />10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.<br /><br />11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.<br /><br />12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.<br /><br />13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?<br /><br />14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).<br /><br />15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.<br /><br />16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.<br /><br />17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.<br /><br />18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.<br /><br />19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.<br /><br />20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).<br /><br />21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say<br />"no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.<br /><br />22. T*tty twisters and plenty of them.<br /><br />23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her<br />no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.<br /><br />24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.<br /><br />25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.<br /><br />26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't call. </span></span><span lang="EN-GB"><?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></span></p></div><br /></div></div>Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-59583847519138692862007-01-25T00:34:00.001-08:002007-01-25T00:34:36.682-08:00Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-68575110222782674782007-01-23T23:45:00.001-08:002007-01-23T23:45:32.064-08:00PASTOR'S ASSThe pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.<br>The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again,<br>and it won again. <br>The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT<br>The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor<br>not to enter the donkey in another race.<br>The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. <br>This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the<br>donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.<br>The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next<br>day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. <br>The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the<br>donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.<br>The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10<br>This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey<br>and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. <br>The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE<br>The bishop was buried the next day.<br>The moral of the story is....being concerned about<br>public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.<p>So be yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and<br>you'll be a lot happier and live longerRidwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7993540738515022387.post-56821024954668450032007-01-15T23:17:00.000-08:002007-01-15T23:18:20.314-08:00The Parable Of The SpoonsA holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,"Lord, can you please explain the difference between Heaven and Hellto me?"The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors andthe holy man looked in.In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle ofthe table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made theholy man's mouth water.The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. Theyappeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very longhandles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew andtake a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms,they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. TheLord said, "You have seen Hell."They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly thesame as the first one. There was the large round table with the largepot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but herethe people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. Theholy man said, "I don't understand."It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, theyhave learned to feed each other while the greedy think only ofthemselves. "You have seen Heaven."Ridwaan Docrathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12917930630001293202noreply@blogger.com0